Heart Broken

We had to put our dogs down today. There was an accident which our dogs were involved in and hurt another dog( not just a dog Brock's parents dog Brem) severely. My heart aches for our losses. But they have had lots of chances to redeem them selves from similar incidents. But it doesn't make this day any easier. This will be a life changing thing for us. The Millers with out any dogs?!?!? For so Long all the kids in the neighborhood new us as Blitzlii and Regans parents. That's who we were the ones with the wild dogs the kids loved to take Blitzliis blanket away and take them for walks they also loved to throw them sticks. I will be honest I have a lot more memories of Blitzlii then Regan. I guess you could say Blitzlii was there for me in my most challenging years. After every disappointing infertility appointment I would have Blitzlii to come home to and cuddle with and make me feel better. His sweet little head would be drenched in tears. I knew I always had him cry on. He even slept in our bed and he always had a blanket to suck on. Every time we left butter on the counter it would be snatched by Blitz, he L.O.V.E.D. butter. He was very spoiled which lead to a hard transition when we decided to get him a sister. We got Regan 3 years later and Blitzlii probably hated us for the first 6 months. He learned to get over it. The sweetest thing Regan ever did was she took the role of Daegens Nanny right away. When Daegen would wake up from a nap she would come and nudge my knee to tell me that the baby was up. She was always very protective of him. Blitzlii never was really into Daegen. But Daegen's first laugh was when he would watch the dogs play catch and jump up in the air,( Regan was an amazing jumper she could jump so high) then Daegen would laugh. This was when he was about 4 months old. One of Daegens First words was Blitzlii. That makes me cry thinking about it. Every time I put Daegen in his High chair he would look out the windows to find blithli (Blitzlii). I always pictured Blitzlii and Regan being in Daegens growing up years. When I picture Daegen playing in the new houses big back yard I see the dogs running with him.

I'm really crushed I have a hard time thinking about it. We never got to say our good bye's to them. They were such good family dogs they were my babies, my first children my only children for five years and I don't know if I could have gone through those 5 years with out them. I'm scared to move into our new house because I know that all these same feeling will rise to the surface again when we don't have them there to make our house a home. That's what they did for me for those 5 years with no kids is made my house a home. It will be hard. Now Every house we look at we still will be thinking about those dogs, because one of our requirements for a new house was a big yard so they could run and be free and so Daegen could run with them. All day long in my head I would think about all the good times we had with those dogs. We loved them like they were our children. It will take time to heal I guess. I just wish this whole thing was under different circumstances then I think I would feel a little bit better and that if it wasn't both dogs at the same time.

I'm really sad today don't know when I'll get over it but hopefully it will just get easier. When the movie Marley and Me came out Brock and I thought that , that movie was our life to the T. And it was totally our life x2. I guess that's why I always thought that Daegen would appreciated these dogs more before they died. Because in the movie the oldest child felt a greater loss for the dog because he was there while the boy was growing up. The dog was in all the home videos and pictures. To me a boy needs a dog and a house isn't a home with out a dog either.

Blitzlii and Regan we loved and love you. We will miss you. Thank you for all the good time we were able to share, you would of loved it out here in Oregon. The weather is mild and there are lots of forest you would of loved to get lost in. We had planed out all the places we were going to take you so you could run around and enjoy the beautiful outdoors Oregon has to offer. We couldn't wait to take you to the beach you would of loved the ocean and chasing the seagulls. We love you and will miss snuggling with you. Till we meet again. Love , your mom